Elephants and Joseph Heller


Who isn’t afraid of failing?

Successful people I suppose. Maybe then again they faced the fear nose to nose and said I will.

For me it’s not that easy.

But maybe it’s not fear alone, it’s succeeding that frightens me awful and here I am and have been all of my life stuck in a Joseph Heller book title.

If I fail…I am the worst.

But if I succeed, people would know me. Right?

Success is frightening, and because the stuck between mental illness and physical illness have always been my fight my struggles, my focus, I don’t know how to do much else but fight against these.

But the Crohns is in remission, and the mental illness is, well, it is what it is.

So how do I learn how to be something besides a the illnesses that have shaped my life.

No, that doesn’t sound right, I am not those two things, but I look back and see every lost job, every failing moment in my life and see the two elephants doing ballet. 

I am not the illnesses, the cards dealt, I am so much more, maybe not…

But maybe I will be.

Has anyone else struggled with failure and the fear of success?

I am curious to know.

If so how did you tame the elephants in you your live?