If I had a Ten Spot for every time…..

Once again, I am off feeling overwhelmed, and unappreciated.

I have this little voice inside me that says those fuckers don’t appreciate you, those fuckers, being everyone. That voice tells me, they don’t love you or care about you. It’s always them and their needs, their wants. But when I strive to overcome this tangled web in my head, a twisted path of lies and somewhere inside it all, is the truth, a tiny teeny bit of truth. Then, then panic starts, then the manic starts, then, then… FUCK IT, FUCK IT ALL, FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF YOU STARTS.

screaming, and slamming, I am stomping, and throwing. I am on the verge of losing control, and

it’s not really me, it’s the voice, the me, the little girl inside,

I walk outside roll a smoke sit down and either begin to breathe again, or I cry, or all three, and then I call my Mother.

15 minutes later

30 minutes later

60 minutes later

I am seeking a distraction and feeling like a horrible ass. Yes I say ass, because it’s my fault, it’s all my fault, and my family is really not as bad as that…

the damn voice in my head.