Fear and…


To dance around the truth and to find my place, Loneliness, discomfort, and never knowing, how unsure, and how frightened I am. I wanted to take the steps, I wanted to learn to run but somehow, I kept skinned knee’s and failures. Hearing words from my youth, from those that were suppose to cherish and love me, those who were suppose to protect me, they still tumble around in my head…sneaking out of shadows that are the darkest corners, that’s where I
hide.

You make me sick.
You will be just like your parents a piece of shit.
Are you “retarded?”
She thinks she is better than us.

You are sick.
You are a piece of shit.
You are retarded.
She is worthless and has no value.

You see how the mind twists that shit? That shit hurts and now those words are my compass. I am having to flip the magnetic poles of my mind to get on through, to undo all the fucked ways that WORDS taught me to think and feel. I perceive myself as nothing, I am scared of my own shadow, I wanted to take revenge, but what’s it worth when it’s not understood. I simply want to crawl away back into the shadows where it is darkest.

hide.

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