Tonight I feel focused. Which is rare. I am calm, but everything around me feels energized, in such a way that the whole of existence is circling in the manner of vultures awaiting to devour a corpse.
Maybe that is not a great analogy on the Eve Eve of major surgery…
But it’s me tonight, I have laughed with my boys, scolded the 17yo for his filthy room. Argued with the 5yo over chip crumbs which ended up with him and I laughing at each other and he won. The kitties have both been warming my feet, and mewing with earnest these last few days, do they know that there will be an absence in the household?
Momma came in town she is here for a month. I am relieved she is here, she always helps to relieve the stress. But there is always the uneasy tension of unresolved issues. But these are my crosses to bear. Therapy will be interesting when I am able to drive again. Yes, a whole month no driving! This really does not set well with my independence.
Now I sit here with you folks.
Pondering this focus, this rare calm and I wonder…why can’t this place be available to me at all times, how does one find permanent residency, and can that mean a house for me on the psychological, emotional, mental and physical health EQUATOR. What a dream that would be.
(this was written April 2nd 2016, I forgot to publish, but better late than never