Elephants and Joseph Heller


Who isn’t afraid of failing?

Successful people I suppose. Maybe then again they faced the fear nose to nose and said I will.

For me it’s not that easy.

But maybe it’s not fear alone, it’s succeeding that frightens me awful and here I am and have been all of my life stuck in a Joseph Heller book title.

If I fail…I am the worst.

But if I succeed, people would know me. Right?

Success is frightening, and because the stuck between mental illness and physical illness have always been my fight my struggles, my focus, I don’t know how to do much else but fight against these.

But the Crohns is in remission, and the mental illness is, well, it is what it is.

So how do I learn how to be something besides a the illnesses that have shaped my life.

No, that doesn’t sound right, I am not those two things, but I look back and see every lost job, every failing moment in my life and see the two elephants doing ballet. 

I am not the illnesses, the cards dealt, I am so much more, maybe not…

But maybe I will be.

Has anyone else struggled with failure and the fear of success?

I am curious to know.

If so how did you tame the elephants in you your live?


3 thoughts on “Elephants and Joseph Heller

  1. I struggle with it all the time. I’m not sure if it’s because I had a parent who drilled into my head how worthless I was, and that why the idea of success is so scary… he was the authority, how dare I prove him wrong, right? But, there is also pressure attached to success. It’s something that needs to be maintained and kept up with… much lick blogging and getting new followers. It can be exhausting. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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