This will be a quickie post today.
After 5 long years of battling a brutal Crohns Disease flare, and a (cross my fingers) final surgery last April to remove the last of my disease riddled body parts, i.e. colon and down. I have decided to make the attempt to try to go back to work. At a part time pace.
Many of my closest friends and family are nervous about this for me. They have all seen me at my worst, watched me teeter on deaths door and they are all concerned that this decision….
Well to make a long story short…It took me 3 years to be awarded SSID ( disability benefits). When I made the decision to go through that process, I was defeated by the Crohns.
Today, I want to work. I have always wanted to work, I LOVE work.
This decision has not come lightly, I have pondered it since last October.
The number one reason I need to have a job is due to some weird quirk with the whole ordeal of mental health issues. Having a job grounds me to a routine. I have tried to have a routine without a job….I fail miserably.
Having a job, that independence boosts my self esteem! Having a job, requires me to keep a tight schedule. Having a job doesn’t afford me the unlimited amount of time to do all of the things I desire for myself and need to for my family. Having a job helps me to better manage my time.
Maybe it’s strange.
It’s not for me.
Friends and family have all asked me, including the Dr.’s, ” Why would you want to go back to work, you don’t have to?’
Maybe it’s because I can’t and I want it. Maybe it’s because I know it grounds me. Maybe it’s because of the idea that I am beholden to that monthly check and it’s an uncomfortable feeling.
Maybe it’s because the hateful stigma’s about people on SSID are too strong and I feel as if, it’s a must to return to work, to continue to contribute to myself and other’s.
I simply like to work and have a job.